Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
