Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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