Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
