Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
