that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
