But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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