It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
People in love make me want to vomit
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
