i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
