ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
