I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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