By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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