just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
