Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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