ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
