Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
