sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
