two words: eviction party
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I sprained my soul last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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