My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
