Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
