Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
