im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
