1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
