i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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