My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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