Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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