I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
