So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
