I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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