think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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