textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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