you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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