and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
operation harelip BJ is a go
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
