she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
