i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
