ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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