I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
