remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
