we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
