mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
