We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
