everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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