thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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