My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
