She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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