quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
