He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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