There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
