Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
