I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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