next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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